MCDREAMY'S MCMANSION

I'm a lover of super classy magazines like People and Us Weekly, but when I'm not reading those intellectually stimulating periodicals, then you will find me reading interior design magazines. Recently I subscribed to Architectural Digest and Dwell. Although I enjoy being visually stimulated by many styles of interior design, I love when I see something that speaks to my design soul and says to me "You could totally live here" or "That has you written all over it." Recently this happened when Architectural Digest invaded the home of Patrick Dempsey (aka Dr. McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy). Who knew we were design spirit sisters Pat!? This house has most of the aspects I love: bright, open, simple, and full of neutrals. To start off can we just all let our jaws drop at this front door. When I saw this, I knew that this was the door I had to have in my dream home! And that giant tree! Eeek! 

^^I'm in love with this pool. The trees, the wood deck, and simplicity of it all kills me!

Source: Arcitectual Digest

Growing up my parents were huge into gardening. I've always wanted a garden because I love the idea of fresh fruits and vegetables, but there were parts of their's that seemed really tedious. I love how the Dempsey's garden is higher than ground level (don't have to bend over as far) and the way it's divided into sections with a nice little rock path so you don't have to walk through dirt and mud. This is the stuff of dreams people! 

LITERALLY THAT JUST HAPPENED

Working in customer service (receptionist at a student medical center) I get to deal with "all of God's creatures" (as my high school choir teacher liked to put it). I also like to refer to them as idiots sometimes but you didn't hear that from me. Today I would like to share with you a couple of gems that I get on a regular basis. 

Me: BYU Student Health Center how can I help you?
Patient: Is this the BYU Student Health Center?
*Is that not what I literally just said?

Patient: I need to come in for (blank). What times do you have tomorrow?
Me: I have a 10am and a 2pm appointment. 
Pt: Do you have a 4pm? 
*Yes but I didn't tell you because I like to omit times from people. 

Pt: When is your next available appointment?
Me: Friday.
Pt: So you don't have anything tomorrow? 
*Once again... do they really think I'm just hiding appointments from them?!

Patient wanting to schedule for a gyn exam:
Pt: Can I see a girl doctor?
*They are all above 40 years old! I'll accept the terms "female" and "woman." Seriously have you ever heard someone say "can I have a boy doctor?"

Me: How can I help you?
Pt: Can you give me the number to the IHC hospital?
*What do I look like the phone book??!!
Me: I'm sorry this is the BYU Student Health Center and we don't keep a list of numbers for other offices... but I guess I can Google it for you...
Pt: Ya that would be great.
*Eye roll. 

Pt: This is probably TMI but do you guys do IUD insertions. 
*Why the heck would that be TMI?

Me: And what did you need to be seen for?
Pt: I have like a burning... on my ya know... down there... my lady parts. 
*We are all adults here! Use adult language; especially when talking to a medical facility!

For the following scenario, just know that "Devotional" is like a religious forum that BYU does every Tuesday at 11am and all offices are required to close so that all employees have the opportunity to go. At 10:45am we lock our front doors but we have an exit-only side door students can leave through and our Urgent Care doors also remain open during devotional for emergencies. 
Pt (just finished appointment): I'm sorry I can't get out. These doors are locked. 
*There is a giant sign in front of her face that says the doors are locked for devotional and to exit through Urgent Care.
Me: Ya those are locked for Devotional but you are welcome to exit through the side door or through UC.
Pt: But it's not my fault that the doctor took forever and I got out late!
*As if I was punishing her by making her walk a few extra yards. 
Me: I'm sorry it's University policy that those doors are locked but we have other doors you can exit out of. 
Pt: That just seems really unfair. 
*Giant eye roll seen from outer-space

Me: BYU Student Health Center how can I help you?
Pt: Hi. Do you guys except the BYU Student Health Insurance?
* I got news for you... we are the only ones that except it as it is OUR insurance!

And my all time favorite (this has happened more than once):
Pt (comes up to front desk): I've been waiting for more than 20 minutes and they haven't come out to get me.
Me: Ok. Whats your name? (gives name and I see they haven't been checked in). Did you check in at the front desk with one of us?
Pt: No. Was a suppose to?
* No actually we are mind readers. You really just looked like a Derek to me who had a possible sore throat so I just knew to let the doctor know you were here when you walked in and sat down! 

And this is the life of someone who works in customer service. Happy Tuesday! 

ONE MORE FOR OLD TIMES SAKE

I've been slacking on life the last two weeks. I blame the distraction of the dog! No gym, no blogging, no Netflix. Who am I? So after this I'm going to start doing some real posts. I still have some DIY projects I did a while ago that I still haven't posted, as well as some recipes so I hope to start doing that soon. But While I stopped by to tell you what a slacker I am, I might as well post some more pictures of my dog and tell you a little more about her.

Zero:

• Lover of shoes (mostly eating them).
• Very nonchalant about her potty time. She just sits and looks at the door (no whining or scratching), so if you don't happen to notice, be prepared to clean her business off the floor. 
• The most stubborn dog you will ever meet (common of the breed). If she is laying in your spot on the bed, nothing you say or do can get her to move. You literally have to pick her dead weight up and move her. And if she is done with her walk, she will let you know by sitting down or laying down on the sidewalk. 
• Her favorite pastime is looking out the window and growling at people that walk by. 
• She loves to eat toilet paper and fluff from inside pillows or in plush toys
• If she has an accident in the house you will find her hiding under the bed or behind the couch (because she knows better). 
• She is still undecided about car rides, although thanks to her mom she now recognizes the drive-thru window as a place where food is passed through.
• She is a good guard dog when it comes to protecting us from the vacuum, rain boots, umbrellas, and her own reflection. 
• All the employees at Petsmart love her.
• She will do anything for a butt scratch.
• She recognizes her dog brush and will immediately lay down when she sees it so that you can brush her. 
•  She is the cutest puppy in the world and she knows it. 

^^Her new thing during car rides is to perch on your shoulder. 

^^Her new favorite look-out spot.

^^She loves going under the bed for naps and to hide when she is in trouble. It will break my heart when she is too big to fit under there. 

^^She loves him so much!

^^All she wants in life are some scratches. 

Ok, it's official... I'm now a crazy dog lady and my Instagram from here on out will just be dog pictures so don't say I didn't warn you! Now everyone go home tonight and pray for little Z, as tomorrow morning she is getting her lady parts out, getting her cherry eye fixed, and getting her rabies shot. Go big right?! I think it will break my heart to see her all groggy from the anesthesia but hopefully this mama can keep it together. Speaking of holding it together, I now know what all you mom's are talking about when you whine and cry about how hard it is to leave your child. Spencer and I went bowling and to a movie the other night and I literally felt guilt for leaving Zero home alone. See... crazy dog lady.

ZERO THE BULLDOG

If you follow me on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, you probably know that we got a dog. I've been wanting a bulldog since I can remember and my dream has finally come true. Meet Zero! First off, her eyes aren't blue, that was just what the flash did for some reason. Second... yes she does have an eye infection called Cherry Eye, and she is getting it taken care of next week, as well as getting her lady parts removed. Rough day for her. But seriously guys... she is the sweetest, cutest, loyalist thing you have ever seen. We couldn't have picked a better dog. Lucky for us her previous owners couldn't keep her anymore, as they were gone a lot and their 8 year old pug didn't like having an overactive puppy try to play with her. Also lucky for us, they had pretty much potty trained her and taught her sit and stay and also had her kennel trained. Bonus! I've always wanted a male dog so when we found her for my birthday we were a little stumped on names. We both hated all the typical girl dog names and decided we wanted something a little more ambiguous and gender neutral. Spencer is the picky one and after two days of throwing names at him, we ultimately decided on Zero (inspired from one of my favorite movies, "The Nightmare Before Christmas").

On a gross side note... the first night we got Zero, her stomach was growling and turning all night and continued to do so all weekend. Turns out she had also thrown up that night behind the couch and did so again the next day. She was also having constant diarrhea (outside mostly). We bought grain-free gluten-free food but were beginning to wonder if that wasn't even good enough for her. But low and behold I woke up this morning and in her kennel was some odd and fowl object. After careful examination with a pair of rubber gloves, I discovered that it was a pair of little boys Thomas the Train Engine underwear (cloaked in feces). GUYS! She had literally ate her previous owner's son's underwear whole, and it some how had been trying to exit her bowls these last few days but it was having a hard time. I seriously died laughing. I hope she has learned her lesson, but in the mean time I'm keeping all my socks off the floor. She obviously has a sophisticated pallet because she also ate her own poo the other day and ran off with it in her mouth (as I chased her) because she knew it was a big no-no.

Well we can't wait to continue to get to know this little lady's wild personality and in the mean time here are some things that Zero likes to do (sorry in advance for the grainy iPhone pictures):

^^She likes to sleep...

^^...a lot

^^ She likes to watch you take a bath or shower.

^^She likes to "bury" her bone. This is her burying it in our shoe basket. She re-buries it at least 5 times a day.

^^She likes to watch the Westminster dog show and cheer on the other bulldogs.

^^She loves to give kisses. And if Spencer and I are kissing, she wants in on the action.

^^And most of all she really really likes Spencer. The top right picture was take while Spencer was driving. She LITERALLY wanted to sit like that the whole ride. 

I'M FEELIN' 22... AGAIN

Thanks so much to all of you who wished me a happy birthday, and it's never too late for those of you who haven't. Yesterday I was greeted with lots of great food and Dr. Pepper from my co-workers, treated to lunch by my friends, and sent flowers by Spencer. For those of you who don't remember, I decided to go a month without Dr. Pepper just to prove I could do it. It was not as hard as I thought it would be, but just as miserable as I thought it would be. But drinking it again was one of the best birthday presents I could have ever given myself! Spencer had an MCAT prep class last night so we didn't get to do much celebrating, but he did rent a puppy for me to play with for two hours and she was the cutest thing you have ever seen. Especially when she slept for half the time because she was so warn out but it was Ok because she slept on me and looked so adorable so I can't complain. And yes, there is a place in Provo where you can literally rent a puppy. Crazy! When Spencer got home it was time for puppy to leave, so we capped off the night with one of my favorite movies (Easy A) and debated about Taco Bell, but in the end decided that would be too much effort.

And my cute little nice Sophie was born just a day before me and celebrated her first birthday in style! Man I wish I could do that to a cake! Also, I have a big announcement to make on Friday evening so you will have to check my social media to find out about at as I wont be posting on the blog that late, but if not I'll talk about it on Monday! Stay tuned. 

NO BUTTS ABOUT IT

For the most part I've been very on point with my gym game for the new year. I've been going 3 times a week and hoping to start sneaking in another if I can. It's always good to have goals when you go to the gym and normally they tend to revolve around getting back to where we were before. I wont lie... I may have some pants from a few years ago that are a little tight, that I would love to get back into, but this year I wanted to push myself even harder! Doesn't everyone have that one body part that has never quite been on par with the rest? That one that you just want to get nice and fit but some how the burgers and fries only go to that one area so you think it may take a life time!? Well for me that's my glorious, wonderful, and very full derriere. I first knew I had a big backside when I was in Jr. High and a friend of mine laughed at me for not being able to fit in her size zero skirt, and then laughed again when we were later at my house and she held up my "huge" pants. Well in my defence I was an early bloomer and receive the butt, and hips, and boobs sooner in life than others (and now finally everyone has caught up with me) and granted at the time I really could have dropped some pounds brought on by eating stress and low and behold I did. I came back the next year 15 pounds lighter, but there is something that no matter how much I fluctuate always stays... my butt! Sure it's changed sizes a little, but it's never ever ever been high and tight. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, but I'm determined to whip that saggy thing into shape this year. Even if it takes me all year! 

A few years ago I worked as a lifeguard at a water park and we had to wear the most unflattering one pieces. One pieces (with straps) are the big booty girls worst enemy, because once you raise your hands above your head the whole swimsuit comes with it, and your are suddenly wearing a very unflattering thong. I felt a little like this: 

After deciding that there was nothing worse then tan lines, I stopped wearing my lifeguard shorts and my tank top as well (no padding be damned) and became a free spirit. Although it didn't go unnoticed, as my boss then told me he never knew I had a ghetto booty, followed up by "That's not a bad thing." That sounds like the making of a law suit. A while ago I got the "Brazilian Butt Lift" videos which I discovered while we were on our honeymoon (late night infomercials) and could barely walk after doing it one day. I plan on continuing that as well as going to my Insanity class 2-3 times a week. So here it is, 2014, the year of the new booty. I can't wait to have a butt that far surpasses any butt I had when I was "in shape." 

Speaking of butts, let me take you know on a little funny side story. I was just reminiscing with all this butt talk about when I called my friend Amanda in the 1st grade after a fight and left a message on her answering machine that said "Sorry I was such a butthead." Which at the time I even knew I was using strong language, but if I had any doubts, I definitely knew when she called me back and said "My mom told me to tell you not to swear on our answering machine anymore." Hahaha! I'm glad as an adult I'm no longer riddled with guilt from saying the B-word! So on that note... BUTT BUTT BUTT BUTTS! Happy Tuesday!