Tuesday, September 16, 2014

GEMS OF MY LIFE


Man I've been MIA. I know you all missed me terribly. I still need to post my pics from Tahoe, and hopefully I can do that soon but I was up last night helping Spencer do homework. Who knew I'd be back in the game. I forgot how awful it is to read a textbook when the game Lep's World is calling your name on your phone. Lately I just haven't posted because I just haven't had anything to say. It boggles my mind how some people can have such exciting weeks (at least according to their blog) every week! My blog would just be pictures of me in dog-hair-covered sweatpants, watching Netflix, and eating the new Doritos Ranch Dipped Hot Wings. Those are my freaking jam guys! I decided I didn't want to force myself to write. If it comes it comes. Then I got caught up in the fact that maybe no one cares or reads it, and then I'm like snap out of it Ashley! Who the hell cares!? And if you didn't write, then how else would you share your random, awesome life moments like...

... about how I had a full on nightmare about being abducted by a cult family and was being forced to marry one of the brothers the other night. And this was no ordinary dream. This was one of those real life dreams where I began contemplating if I should make a run for it now (and then risk being caught and then being on lock down) or if I should wait it out and pretend to be in love with him and earn more trust, while slowly gaining more freedom and then escape when the odds of me getting away are higher. These are the kinds of hard, fake decisions you have to make when you drink a 32oz of Diet Dr. Pepper right before bed, and then take a sleeping pill because you are worried you wont fall asleep.

Or

...that during four-play Spencer stopped and asked, "Are you wearing my deodorant?!!" Hashtag, BUSTED. But seriously though if you haven't tried Old Spice's "Wolfthorn" deodorant, it's a game changer. And it might as well be unisex.

Or

...when you're at H&M and you ask for a certain size in pants and they say "What inseam do you need?" and you have to explain to them that it doesn't even matter because either way you will have to get them hemmed because the world doesn't make pants for someone who is 5'1 and frankly it's discrimination. Short people problems ya know? And while we are on that note can I just add that while I've been on a fall sweater rampage, I've seemed to notice that they only make sweaters for people with ape arms. Am I right ladies? Or am I the only one that's having to roll up my sleeves?


Or

...when I honked at the driver in front of me in the turn lane for not going but then realized they were waiting for a pedestrian to cross the street, so I rolled down my window and fake-waived at someone so I wouldn't embarrass myself and look like an impatient jerk.

Or

... when I accidentally ended a phone call with a patient at work with "talk to you later," like I was setting up a lunch date with a friend, instead of a gyn exam with a total stranger.

 Or

...when you fart during a yoga class but didn't take the blame (although I think it was only audible to one other person). This story is about a friend. Not me. I swear.  Namaste.

On a side note, I hope you are all remembering to rotate you're owl. I think that's something you should probably be doing a few times a year. 


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