Monday, June 30, 2014


This weekend was probably one of my least favorites in a long time due to multiple reasons, but the one I'd like to share is the passing of my uncle Kenny. He was one of the funniest guys I knew and could always break up any tension in the room. He was also an amazing cook due to his Italian roots and always made a delicious dinner that he would hold every Christmas, and he'd always make sure to let me know he bought an extra can of olives just for me. 

Last week he got in a car accident. I woman t-boned him on the drivers side. They had to use the jaws of life to get him out but at the time he was still conscious. He even joked with the paramedics that he "could really go for an anchovie pizza and some beers right about now." At the time, is condition was critical, but it looked like he would pull through, even after slipping into a coma. But on Thursday morning, his MRI showed blood pooling in his brain and he suddenly took a turn for the worst. Thursday evening I went with my sister's to say our goodbyes, as the next day they were going to take him off oxygen, and the chances that he would breath on his own were slim. I don't really know hospital lingo, but when he was admitted to the Shock and Trauma ward, he was scaled at a 12. The day we came to see him he was a 6. I was informed you don't come back from a 6. And if you do, you'll never be the same. 

Let me just say that if there is a list of places I don't ever want to visit again, it would be the Shock and Trauma ward. There is so much sadness and pain there. I know many probably come and go after being admitted, but I know there are some, like Kenny, who never left. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that there were so many other rooms occupied; so many other grieving families; so many people clinging to life and hoping to come out fighting. It amazes me, the amount of suffering that goes on around us while we go about our day-to-day.

My aunt said at the hospital that they weren't going to sue the woman that hit him because it wasn't worth ruining two lives. I'm sure that's a hard pill to swallow when you're experiencing grief and want someone to blame. Often times the guilt and regret that we beat ourselves up with, is greater than any punishment that someone could think up. 

I've come away with a greater understanding of two things: First, you never know when your time on this earth is up. It seems like you have a life time to get around to something, fulfill a dream, or apologize to so-and-so, but in reality, that's a risk we don't know will pay off. Second, I now have a better understanding of the responsibility I'm taking on when I get inside my car every morning. Driving has become second nature to many of us, and is just another part of the day, but we often times don't stop to realize how many lives have been carelessly take due to negligence.

Kenny... I know you're smiling down on all of us with an anchovie pizza in hand, and I hope you save one for me (sans anchovies of course)!. 

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Wednesday, June 25, 2014


The other day Spencer and I were driving in the car and I said something along the lines of "When we have kids..." and then Spencer said, "I can't ever imagine me ever saying 'Lets have a baby.'" This is something we've talked about many times. Neither of us are the kind of people who are baby hungry, or even like a "I'm not hungry but I could eat," type of baby hungry. We've always been like, how will it happen? Will this be the worlds longest game of chicken where we make the other person say it first? I've always just assumed that when my IUD decides it's time to take a long vacation from my uterus in 3 years, I'll just say something awkward like "Well I guess I won't get a new form of birth control?" (imagine my voice getting way hi-pitched at the end). That's how it will happen. No getting excited, no nighttime giggles, no dinner to celebrate, no buying baby clothes before it actually happens. It's not something that either of us are excited for. Not because we don't want kids. We do. Maybe it's the mormon in me, or the fact that I don't want to be 60 years old during Christmas time and not have any excited kids or grandkids around the tree. Plus me and Spencer are too hot NOT to procreate. But with one dog, I do see the appeal to not have kids and just adopt 10 dogs and live on a farm somewhere. And when the day comes that Spencer and I begin to play sexual roulette, I'm not going to be one of those girls that takes a pregnancy test every week or puts on the calendar every time I'm ovulating. And when I find out, I'm not going to be jumping up and down, or wrap the test in a little box and give it to Spencer when we go out to a fancy dinner, or rush and call 50 of my closest friends. I'm just not. I believe there is a distinct difference between being a woman excited about pregnancy, and being a woman who is excited to raise a child; and some people fall into both categories. I'm not someone who cares about being pregnant. Although I am looking forward to raising children of my own one day. I wouldn't even call it excited. It's just something I know I have to do or else I'll feel like a part of me is missing.

There are just those girls out there who are born to be a mother. That's what they live for and they can't wait for the day. I've never fit into that category. It's never a desire I've had. I remember growing up, and a friend of mine expressed that one of her biggest fears was not being able to have kids. I remember her even getting a little teary eyed about it, but in a "laughing because this is so silly to cry about" kind of way. I remember thinking if one of us can't have kids, I hope it's me. Because I honestly don't care and I could tell how much it meant to her. Not that I wouldn't still have kids. But I don't have this driving need for them to be my own flesh and blood. Now I know what some of you mothers are thinking... and let me stop you there........ I HATE hate haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate when girls say any of the following to me:

a) Well that's because you've never been pregnant. Once you find out you are it's so amazing and it changes you and how you feel.

  • Don't put me in a box with you. Not everyone feels the same way. You don't know me like I know me. I literally have no innate sense to have a baby or be a mother. Zero! And I know I'm not the only one that feels that way, so don't tell me that I will feel exactly like you did when you found out that you were pregnant or when you decided to start trying to have a baby. Some people are just not programmed that way. That doesn't mean we aren't going to have kids or be horrible mothers. But it means we probably won't act like we give a crap until we actually see them and hold them. For me, I know that's when it will become real.

b) You'll know when it's time to have kids.

  • For some people there is no right time to have a kid. Spencer and I would probably just not have any if that was the case. Neither of us are going to wake up one day and say "Today's the day! I want to create something inside me that is going to be extremely expensive and unpredictable and we'll be solely responsible for it's life and well being." See... that's how I see a baby. I'm not saying it won't be full of love and happiness, but I'm a realist and that's just how I've always looked at the world. That's not something that you celebrate over dinner to me. But it's great if you do. That's the beauty of it. We are all different.           
c) Or anything along the lines of "What are you waiting for?" "Don't wait too long!" "You don't want to start a family until after 28? Don't worry, you'll change your mind." "You want to be an old mom?" 

  • This is another example of people thinking their way of doing things was the best way and it's for everyone. Here is Spencer and I's view on this: Once you hop on the baby train, you don't hop off... ever! There are still so many things in my life that I want to do and experience that are either impossible, or hindered by children. Now some people think that's selfish. Especially in the mormon community, but I just can't help but bask in the joys of being able to go to the movies whenever I want and not have to find someone to watch my child! Small simple pleasures that will one day be taken from me, that I'm in no hurry to meet. 

Continuing a little on point C, Some people I feel even rush into it so fast they don't get to truly enjoy and get to know their spouse as a husband and nothing else. Trust me, Boyfriend Spencer is very different from Husband Spencer; and I'm sure Husband Spencer will be very different then the Husband-Father Combo Spencer. Another thing that drives me to hit the pause button is the fact that I love the idea of being an older parent (and by this I mean older by mormon standards). I was raised by old parents, as was Spencer. And we both loved it. I feel like you're wise, more relaxed, and more financially stable. I know I've heard it a million times that you don't need to have money to have a baby but here is an example I've seen first hand. A girl I knew growing up had a dad that was going to med school and specializing so it took a while. She was the youngest and by the time he had worked for a few years and established his practice, they finally moved in to a giant house with everything a kid could want.... but all their kids had moved out by then. When Spencer is established in his career, I want to be able to enjoy the spoils with my kids. I want to go on trips that they'll never forget, and have a house that they want to bring their friends to. I know that's not important to everyone, but that's something that Spencer and I got a taste of, that our older siblings didn't and I wouldn't change that for me. 

I know that I'm not the only one in the world who has no desire inside to have children, but at the same time will because they feel like motherhood is a part of something that needs to be in their life regardless. I would compare it to my nighttime face-wash routine, in as much that I know at the end of the day it's something that I have to do, even though I'd rather just crash in bed, but after I do it I feel so refreshed and happy I did. Plus I wont wake up with a face full of zits. ;)

And here is what I may look like years down the road: 

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Tuesday, June 17, 2014


So this weekend was packed and I didn't have much time to do the things that a girl should do. No not a mani/pedi... Take care of all the clothes that are strewn about my room! Friday night I started working on some shower favors for a shower my friends and I were throwing for our dear friend Maddie the next day (procrastinating at its finest). I took a quick break to go and see 22 Jump Street with Spencer and his friends and let me tell you it was freaking hilarious. Like, better than the first one. Also, can I just say that I think Channing Tatum is one of the most underrated actors in Hollywood. His comedic timing is really brilliant and he even made my heart melt in The Vow. I never thought I'd say it after watching the movie Step Up all those years ago but... CT, have my babies? The next day was the shower, as well as the wedding of one of my BFFs and former roommate Aubrey "Bob" Craft. After the shower Spencer and I headed to the reception, and after that we went to a little fair that Orem was hosting for "Summer Days." We got there late and the crowd was insane, but we managed to make it to the fireworks and cut in line to go on the "Gravitron" aka the Puke-itron. Basically I gave a man 2 tickets to feel like I had a hangover without any of the fun the night before. That's the ride where you just stand against the wall in this pod thing and it spins and then suddenly gravity straps you to the wall and you can't move. I'm pretty sure that's the kind of crap astronauts train on and it confirmed that I can never go to the moon.

Then I came home and tried to catch up on Game of Thrones (if anyone spoils anything for me I'll cut you), but alas I'm convinced Kevin Johnson changed his HBO Go password and didn't tell me because it wouldn't let me logon (even though his fiance denies that he change it; I haven't heard it from the source himself though). So Kevin if you're reading this, "The night is dark and full of terrors," aka I will find you in your sleep and kill you if I can't finish this show without someone ruining it for me first.

Sunday we slept in, yes even the dog. Does anyone else have a 10 month old who sleeps in until noon? Didn't think so. I spent the day vacuuming out the hairball that is my car. Zero kept me company by sitting in the car, as she thought we were going for a ride. She eventually lost her cool once the vacuum was turned on so she then had to spend the remainder of the time in the backyard.

So if you read my Facebook post you know that Sunday evening was eventful for the Zero dog. Across from our house is an empty field with overgrown weeds that we always go to to throw around the ball, since our backyard is pretty tiny. She likes to sniff around a lot (more than play with her ball) and while she was out "hounding about" as we call it, she suddenly started violently sneezing repeatedly and I was unable to get her to stop. Soon after I noticed blood around her nose and as she was sneezing it would spray blood. I immediately turned to the internet (what would we do without it). All signs pointed to 2 things: contact with a weed called a Foxtail, or (the less likely candidate) a tumor in her nose. I went out to the field and sure enough there were some right where she was sniffing. It was Sunday night and the vet was closed so I decided to wait until the morning to see if she had maybe sneezed it out and it was just irritated (at this point she was still sneezing but only a few times an hour). Yesterday morning she was doing better but would still sneeze every once and a while. But I also knew by the articles I read not to let the lack of sneezing fool me. Eventually the Foxtail seeds will travel further and further up the nasal passage and no longer bother her nose, but can then travel to the brain or other vital organs. The seeds have tiny barbs on them so it's really hard for the animal to shake them free. I couldn't see anything up her nose but obviously couldn't look up that far. I took her to the vet that afternoon and the vet suggested sedating her and letting her use a special tool that will allow her to look up the nose about a few inches. If the seed had traveled any further, I would need to go to a specialist with a long range scope, and the procedure would be much more invasive. I actually was praying they would find something so that I didn't have to make the tough choice between hoping that she had sneezed it out and taking her in to a specialist that would cost much more $$$. The other reason I was hoping they would find something was so that I didn't feel like I was paying a vet bill for nothing. 10 minutes later, after taking her to another room to sedate and examine her, the vet tech came out with a little tissue that held two very bloody Foxtail seeds. Below is a picture of what they look like. Two! Two of those in my little fur babies nose. The poor girl! In the end I paid $170 for a very one sided game of ball toss, but I'm glad I know now how dangerous these little guys are and I'm glad I avoided something even worse happening to her. Please check your animals after playing in fields or going camping! And make sure they aren't sniffing around or trying to eat anything that even looks like this plant. Burn in hell Foxtails! But the most important thing we can all take away from this is... HA! I showed you Spencer! I finally have successfully diagnosed something with the internet! Booya!!

(demon weeds from hell)

Now lets end on a happy note and wrap up the weekend: 
My nephew turned one yesterday and we can all agree, he will be hard for the ladies to resist once he hits pre-school. 

Oh, you think I'm an alcoholic because of my new flask keychain? Well no actually it's full of Torani coconut syrup for my Dirty Dr. Peppers. Yes, I've taken my addiction to a whole other level. 

We went to the park the other day and all Zero wanted to do was go to the tennis courts. She still doesn't get why all her balls are in there and why she can't get to them. Cruel.

And last but not least here is the fully recovered Zero-girl not wanting to listen to me and come inside. "If I close my eyes and I can't see you, it's like you're not there and I don't have to obey." Such a sass. 

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Thursday, June 5, 2014


So my new thing is minimalist earrings. I rarely ever wear earrings in lobe holes (that sounded weird saying lobe holes, but you know what I mean) and I always just wore tiny earrings in my two cartilage wholes. But ever since I saw this picture on Natalie Holbrook's Instagram...

...I just new that I wanted some dainty lobe earrings... and a second hole. So I did just that over Memorial Day weekend. The piercings were cheaper at the Silver Loft, but the kid at the kiosk was 17 and told me he had only worked there two weeks and had done one person's ears so far. Ok bye, I'm going to Claire's. My rash decisions are often my best. I couldn't put my whole face in the picture like Natalie because my greasy adult acne was over-shadowing the image. But what's new!

So in anticipation of getting the "best of the Claire's options" earrings out in 5 weeks. Here are a couple images that inspired me. And below that are earrings that I love and want (and possible some I already ordered).

Now someone buy me these stat!! 

Next I'll need to work on my dainty ring and necklace collection! 

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