LITERALLY THAT JUST HAPPENED

Working in customer service (receptionist at a student medical center) I get to deal with "all of God's creatures" (as my high school choir teacher liked to put it). I also like to refer to them as idiots sometimes but you didn't hear that from me. Today I would like to share with you a couple of gems that I get on a regular basis. 

Me: BYU Student Health Center how can I help you?
Patient: Is this the BYU Student Health Center?
*Is that not what I literally just said?

Patient: I need to come in for (blank). What times do you have tomorrow?
Me: I have a 10am and a 2pm appointment. 
Pt: Do you have a 4pm? 
*Yes but I didn't tell you because I like to omit times from people. 

Pt: When is your next available appointment?
Me: Friday.
Pt: So you don't have anything tomorrow? 
*Once again... do they really think I'm just hiding appointments from them?!

Patient wanting to schedule for a gyn exam:
Pt: Can I see a girl doctor?
*They are all above 40 years old! I'll accept the terms "female" and "woman." Seriously have you ever heard someone say "can I have a boy doctor?"

Me: How can I help you?
Pt: Can you give me the number to the IHC hospital?
*What do I look like the phone book??!!
Me: I'm sorry this is the BYU Student Health Center and we don't keep a list of numbers for other offices... but I guess I can Google it for you...
Pt: Ya that would be great.
*Eye roll. 

Pt: This is probably TMI but do you guys do IUD insertions. 
*Why the heck would that be TMI?

Me: And what did you need to be seen for?
Pt: I have like a burning... on my ya know... down there... my lady parts. 
*We are all adults here! Use adult language; especially when talking to a medical facility!

For the following scenario, just know that "Devotional" is like a religious forum that BYU does every Tuesday at 11am and all offices are required to close so that all employees have the opportunity to go. At 10:45am we lock our front doors but we have an exit-only side door students can leave through and our Urgent Care doors also remain open during devotional for emergencies. 
Pt (just finished appointment): I'm sorry I can't get out. These doors are locked. 
*There is a giant sign in front of her face that says the doors are locked for devotional and to exit through Urgent Care.
Me: Ya those are locked for Devotional but you are welcome to exit through the side door or through UC.
Pt: But it's not my fault that the doctor took forever and I got out late!
*As if I was punishing her by making her walk a few extra yards. 
Me: I'm sorry it's University policy that those doors are locked but we have other doors you can exit out of. 
Pt: That just seems really unfair. 
*Giant eye roll seen from outer-space

Me: BYU Student Health Center how can I help you?
Pt: Hi. Do you guys except the BYU Student Health Insurance?
* I got news for you... we are the only ones that except it as it is OUR insurance!

And my all time favorite (this has happened more than once):
Pt (comes up to front desk): I've been waiting for more than 20 minutes and they haven't come out to get me.
Me: Ok. Whats your name? (gives name and I see they haven't been checked in). Did you check in at the front desk with one of us?
Pt: No. Was a suppose to?
* No actually we are mind readers. You really just looked like a Derek to me who had a possible sore throat so I just knew to let the doctor know you were here when you walked in and sat down! 

And this is the life of someone who works in customer service. Happy Tuesday!