Friday, April 11, 2014

ZERO THE SEXUAL DETECTIVE



People tend to get squeamish when you talk about sex around here, but sometimes you just have to. And sometimes you get a good laugh from it. Today I'd like to take the time to talk about... Zero of course! Let me tell you, if you ever need to find someone, and they happen to be "in the act" or about to be... Zero will find them. You know how they have those drug sniffing dogs and body sniffing dogs? Well I don't know if this will come in handy to the police, but I'm pretty sure Zero is a sex sniffing dog. Literally Spencer and I cannot get a moment alone with out her suddenly standing next to us on the bed; and this is Pre-clothes on the floor. I think she thinks our foreplay is some kind of wrestling because the minute we are on the bed, she jumps up and wants in on the action. And if we move the stool away from the bed so that she can't get up, she just sits and whines the whole time. And NOBODY wants a dog looking you in the eyes and jumping on your back when your trying to be in the moment (because of course I can't keep a serious face in this scenario). Honestly if we are just kissing on the couch, she jumps up and starts trying to lick our faces. Maybe its the pheromones she is smelling... I'm not sure... but dang is this dog cramping our style. How can anyone spring some spontaneous love making on their other half when they have to make sure they crate their dog in the next room first? Maybe it's just her way of annoying us since we took out her ovaries and this is our karma. She is also weidly obsessed with underwear. She loves smelling it, chewing it, and especially hiding it. Maybe we need to start thinking of doggy therapy for her?

And to top off the hilarity, last night as I was minded my own business doing my laundry... well let me backtrack real quick. We recently moved into a cute basement apartment in Orem. Our "landlord" upstairs is leaving for the summer to sell for Vivant with his brother, so while they are gone, he is having a friend live there. Our basement apartment is the only thing downstairs except for a theater room, which we have access to through the theater rooms utilities/electronics closet that is attached to our laundry room. We are allowed to use the theater if we let the landlord know, but this summer, it's going to be used as his friends bedroom (which they have moved a bed into). The friend just moved in this week, and I have yet to meet him but... (back to the story) as I was doing laundry I began to hear... lets call them "zoo noises" coming from the theater. I think it's human nature to want to listen in and giggle when such things occur, but in my defense I still had to transfer the stuff from the washer to the dryer. By that time I wasn't sure if they had heard me barge in to the laundry room so then I started daintily putting my stuff in the dryer (one thing at a time) so they wouldn't know that I had been their silent partner for about 3 minutes. In the mean time... Zero (the sexual detective) had a hunch what was going on and stood at the door and started growling. So I was hurrying as fast as a could to throw the cloths in the dryer while hopping on one leg and using the other to nudge Zero to be quiet so we wouldn't be discovered. Can't wait until I can put a face with those... noises. I feel like I already know out neighbor so well. I hope you all have started your weekend with as much excitement as I (and my nieghbor) have!    




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