Friday, July 27, 2012

it's official, i'm one of those girls...

Well, I haven’t blogged in a while. I mean how does a gal find time when she is planning and enjoying a (to some people) once in a lifetime event. The story I’m about to tell you is a little too fresh of a wound. I mean it’s not still bleeding, but it’s definitely in the scabbing/festering sore type of stage so I still get emotional thinking about it but here it goes… (sorry again for the length):

So what does it mean when I say I’m one of thoooose girls now? Well a few people in this life get to experience the privilege of saying that their wedding was pretty much completely ruined. I’m “lucky” enough to join those ranks. Ok, so for all those who attending you know that saying “completely” might be going too far, but not by much. So to sum up my horror story, the days leading up to the wedding the news said there was a 20% chance of scattered showers. I was in complete denial. When you tell people you are having an outdoor wedding, one of the first questions they ask you is “what’s your plan B?” Plan B! There is no plan B! Plan B is that I call it off and eat bon bons in my room while my tears soak through the pillow, obviously! BUT I have a smart and loving mother who (just 2 days before the event) spent a generous amount of money on tents in case it rained. I was very grateful for the tents, however a few things had to change which I was a little sad about. Everyone had to sit a little more spread apart because the dinner was essentially in a small orchard and the trees couldn’t fit under the tents. Also I couldn’t hang things from the trees anymore because no one would be able to see so I had to then figure out where to hang things from inside the tent. Small setback, but manageable.

Well the big day came, and the ceremony went great. We were sealed in the draper temple and had a beautiful experience. It had cooled down that day to around 90, which was better than the 103 degree weather the day before. As Spence and I were driving back from the temple, it started to sprinkle a little, which made me extremely nervous. But everyone said they were praying for good weather so it helped calm my nerves. And guess what… the weather cleared up! BUT long story short, 10 minutes before the dinner began, a giant wind storm blew in. WIND STORM! Those tents could have handled the rain, but WIND!?? We didn’t compensate for that. I can only imagine what everyone who was setting up was thinking, as they watched with horror as the place cards that me and Spencer spent hours on the night before, blew everywhere; and as the center pieces my mom designed and arranged where blown over, causing the water in the vases to drench the table clothes. Plates were blowing off, napkins were scattered, pictures frames were on the ground, and the horror went on. I couldn’t watch. It was like watching your own baby get stabbed repeatedly, and I hated that everyone was staring at me to watch my reaction. So, I did what any refined women would do, I went into my room, shut the door, and had my mental breakdown out of sight. Spencer came into my room and for the next hour I stayed there and cried harder than I had ever before into his lap. I was so mad. I kept asking myself why God did this to me!? Why did MY wedding have to be ruined and not someone else’s? I wasn’t only crying for myself, but also for my mother. She has spent more time and more money on this than I care to share. She slaved away in her gorgeous garden to get the yard perfect, she sewed all the bridesmaids’ dresses, table runners, and gift bags. I couldn’t believe after all her hard work and sacrifice that God would let a storm ruin it. I also knew my mother well enough to know that in another room she was also having a breakdown because all she wanted was for me to enjoy my wedding and she didn’t think it was possible anymore, and also because she knew I couldn’t keep it together so it was up to her to figure out how to save the wedding dinner.  

Meanwhile I was in my room sobbing to spencer about how I wouldn’t even be able to look at my wedding photos 10 years down the line because they would just remind me of one of the most disappointing days of my life! Spencer is an amazing human being and I’m sure that he was very frustrated that there was nothing he could do to fix the situation, but he just sat there and let me cry. I came to find out that the wedding was being moved to the church gym. Lots of people have weddings in the church gym but I was one who always refused and thought it was tacky. I told my mom weeks earlier I’d rather not get married than have it in the chapel. But here I was with no alternative, and family and guests alike were already lining up their cars to take all the table, chairs, and decorations to the church.  

Not to toot my own horn but my wedding was gorgeous! It was wedding blog worthy! It was the cutest little vintage back-yard wedding you’ve ever seen! I’ve spent years planning this! And it was all dissolved in a flash. About an hour later I knew it was time to face everyone, but I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to see everyone’s eyes staring at me with sympathy, and I didn’t want to hear all the voices repeating, “I’m so sorry” and “I feel so bad for you.” I was emotionally exhausted and I just wanted to tell everyone to leave their presents and go so I could curl up and go to bed. I looked like a train wreck after having cried every stitch of make-up off my face but I had lost so much interest in the event I didn’t even bother putting any of it back on. I just got in the car and left (my pictures will probably turn out scary but oh well). I took a deep breath and as I walked in the church, I was very surprised with what I saw. It actually didn’t look too bad.

At this point in the story I would just like to point out that I know, and knew then in my heart that the only thing that mattered was that spencer and I were married and that we had each other. BUT that isn’t very easy to say or remember when your dream wedding is being smashed to pieces. At that point you have to give yourself at least an hour to have a pity party/cry fest. You deserve it, (oh wait actually I didn’t deserve it). I also know what AMAZING friends and family I have. No one goes to a wedding thinking they are going to be helping set up, but everyone pitched in so that when I walked in I wouldn’t immediately burst into tears. In 45 minutes, 100 people band together to turn an ugly basketball gym into a faux garden party. It was another thing that was very emotional for me to take in. I now had the overwhelming feeling of guilt and gratitude at the work everyone had done to salvage spencer and I’s day. My one regret is that, because I was so sick to my stomach and emotional from what had happened, I wasn’t hungry for any of the food. And it was freaking good! Well the storm only lasted a few hours and when we left it was clear. Why God had to schedule the storm during the only 3 hours that day that I needed clear, I don’t know; but I do know that I have a lot of people that love us.

You know that feeling you get when the power goes out and your family gathers together in the living room and everyone drags out their mattresses and you all huddle around candles? Well that’s what this wedding felt like; a giant family coming together in hard times to make a moment bearable; even enjoyable. The whole day wasn’t a bust. I had a great experience during the sealing that I would like to share, and that made the day endurable. As many of you know my grandpa died three weeks before the wedding, which was very hard for me because I was close with him and wanted him to make it until then. Before the sealing the sealer said that this ceremony is done in the presents of angels and (not knowing my grandfather had just died) he said “and those close to you who have passed on, maybe even recently, will be there.” After the ceremony he approached my mother and out of nowhere asked if my grandmother’s husband had passed away. My mother told him yes, just a few weeks ago. The sealer said he wanted to talk to us and my grandmother privately. After everyone left he said he wanted us to know that my grandpa was there with us today and told us how much he loved us. Which I already knew both; I felt him too. But it was cool to hear from someone who had no idea he had passed away.

Well this is a very long post, and there’s not much more to say, but I’d like to add for all you people who are thinking to yourselves “That’s what you get for being married on Friday the 13th,” but guess what… there was a storm the next day too so even if I had it on Saturday I would have been just as screwed so keep your superstitious comments to yourself (lady who I won’t name at wedding *cough cough*). But I can't complaint too much; I have an amazing husband who reminds me why it was all worth it every morning when I wake up to his cute smile. Moral of the story, there is always someone who’s wedding went worse than yours, and don’t forget that the love of those who support you can overcome the worst of days.   

Dinner with my bridesmaids the night before the wedding

My fun wedding nails! 

Had to drink one of these on the way to the temple.


1 comment:

  1. Oh Ashley! I've so enjoyed this blog and as my wedding day approaches and the news keeps reporting a %10 chance of rain I will keep your story in mind as my stomach is in knots waiting and anticipating the storm of the century(of course %10 chance means hurricane in my mind). I'm sure you're wedding was gorgeous and full of love despite the untimely and unfortunate weather. Congratulations to you both...they do say rain on your wedding day is good luck...find comfort in that and in each other!